It is unknown to me whether you have ever heard the voice of Lorde. Not her songs (although they too have me in complete awe) but her voice, the way she talks. For those who have not the one word I would use to describe it is mesmerising. She has this way that kept the entire crowd entranced hanging onto every word that dripped off her lip. The dips and rises in her tone is shocking, actually, compared to her music there is just this playfulness behind every word and it feels as if she has both hands cupping your cheeks and speaking each sentence into your soul. The only thing that kept me grounded during this was the ever-tightening grip I had on the hand next to me (more on that later).
It is hard to remember what she spoke about after being in such a trance but I do remember having the realisation that there is someone who understands me. This particularly related to her ideas on ‘body’ her body my body I am the same. Her being outside of her body, the thought of not being in control but just a brain is what struck me the most. I have a piece entitled ‘a visual aid’ it is yet to be published but this is what came to me when she said this. What gave me consciousness maybe for the first time ever was Lorde, my saviour, saying this.
I have given myself a week to think over this night. A week to revisit every movement, song and speech Lorde gave to me on Wednesday June 1st 2022. I gave myself this week, this moment to review everything I experienced, to relinquish the immediate over hyped review that is often inevitable when it comes to consuming any form of entertainment. The feeling of pure astonishment and joy that comes with the uncovering of the mystery that was this film or book. The feeling to give the night 5 stars because I am still intoxicated by the adrenaline surging through my veins.
However, I did not need to give myself a week, I could have given myself a year, ten years, a century, this would still be the most phenomenal display of music my eyes and ears would have ever witnessed.
Lorde is a performer. To the core.
Holding hands so I do not feel alone is something I feel very deeply about. Holding hands to ‘Ribs’ is something that goes beyond anything I have ever felt. At this place, at this time, I was holding hands with the person who means absolutely everything in the world to me who introduced me to the insanity that is this song. That feeling could not compare, to put it simply. Hot and sweaty. Our finger are interlaced. Sweat dripping between each crevice. My hand tightens with anticipation and excitement. ‘You’re the only friend I need.’ We turn smiles etched into our cheeks and scream that into oblivion which happens to be each other’s faces. My heart explodes. I have never felt more alive.
The movement of my saviour on that stage. Her flow of expression whilst also being jagged and explosive. She had the crowd. She had me. I was so close I could see her with my own two eyes, I could see how she walked, every step she took, I saw her build herself up for the next explosion of dance, the scrunch of her face as the grip of her microphone gets tighter, I could see her as a life sized person not a spec in the distance or a figure on a screen, I could see every slip and fall of her clothing as she changed behind the paper screen, I could see her silhouette outside of a painting. I could see complete clarity.
Lorde. Saviour. Prettier Jesus.
I love you so much
It’s gorgeous